does ne1 have any good jokes to include in a ‘best man’ speech?
June 1, 2010
my partner will be best man for a rather lavish wedding at the weekend, and he’s struggling!
Here’s to the groom, a man who keeps his head though he loses his heart.
I had to make sure that (grooms name) day went according to plan,
so I took it upon myself to check (grooms name) post. I need to tell (grooms name) that the carpet people cannot supply your carpet this weekend, but you will get your underfelt tonight!
What can you say about a man who came from humble beginnings and is now quickly rising to the very top of his profession based solely on intelligence, grit and the willpower to push on where others might fail? A man who is beginning to distinguish himself amongst his peers and where none can say a bad word against him? Well, that’s enough about the best man. I’m here to talk about _____.
I can honestly say that in all the years I’ve known him, no one has ever questioned _____’s intelligence. In fact, I’ve never heard anyone even mention it.
_____’s very classy. When we had an evening of music and drink in his house recently, I asked whether he had any Rachmaninoff. Gary replied he didn’t have any vodka, only beer.
I tell the people that on a night of recent revelry I asked the groom what he wanted to get from his marrage. He said "Well, I want to be a model husband. I want to be a model citizen.
And I want to be a model lover!" Being a naive chap I looked up "model" in the dictionary. It said "A small miniature replica of the real thing!"
To ____ and _______, may all their ups and downs be between the sheets.
Here’s to _____ a helluva pal, every girls guy and every guys gal.
He’s a prince, he’s a topper, he’s the King of the dance.
And he frightens the horses when he takes down his pants.
It is a woman’s business to get married as soon as possible, and a man’s to keep unmarried as long as he can – George Bernard Shaw
Let me not to the marriage of true minds admit impediments – Shakespeare
His designs were strictly honourable, as the saying is; that is, to rob a lady of her fortune by way of marriage – Henry Fielding
A happy bridesmaid makes a happy bride – Tennyson
There was an old party of Lyme
Who married three wives at a time/
When asked "Why the third?"
‘He replied "One’s absurd/
And bigamy, sir, is a crime!" – Cosmo Monkhouse (19c.)
It seemed to me pretty plain, that they had more of love than matrimony in them – Oliver Goldsmith (18c.)
Every man needs a wife because things sometimes go wrong that you can’t blame on the government! -
9 Responses to “does ne1 have any good jokes to include in a ‘best man’ speech?”
Here’s to the groom, a man who keeps his head though he loses his heart.
I had to make sure that (grooms name) day went according to plan,
so I took it upon myself to check (grooms name) post. I need to tell (grooms name) that the carpet people cannot supply your carpet this weekend, but you will get your underfelt tonight!
What can you say about a man who came from humble beginnings and is now quickly rising to the very top of his profession based solely on intelligence, grit and the willpower to push on where others might fail? A man who is beginning to distinguish himself amongst his peers and where none can say a bad word against him? Well, that’s enough about the best man. I’m here to talk about _____.
I can honestly say that in all the years I’ve known him, no one has ever questioned _____’s intelligence. In fact, I’ve never heard anyone even mention it.
_____’s very classy. When we had an evening of music and drink in his house recently, I asked whether he had any Rachmaninoff. Gary replied he didn’t have any vodka, only beer.
I tell the people that on a night of recent revelry I asked the groom what he wanted to get from his marrage. He said "Well, I want to be a model husband. I want to be a model citizen.
And I want to be a model lover!" Being a naive chap I looked up "model" in the dictionary. It said "A small miniature replica of the real thing!"
To ____ and _______, may all their ups and downs be between the sheets.
Here’s to _____ a helluva pal, every girls guy and every guys gal.
He’s a prince, he’s a topper, he’s the King of the dance.
And he frightens the horses when he takes down his pants.
It is a woman’s business to get married as soon as possible, and a man’s to keep unmarried as long as he can – George Bernard Shaw
Let me not to the marriage of true minds admit impediments – Shakespeare
His designs were strictly honourable, as the saying is; that is, to rob a lady of her fortune by way of marriage – Henry Fielding
A happy bridesmaid makes a happy bride – Tennyson
There was an old party of Lyme
Who married three wives at a time/
When asked "Why the third?"
‘He replied "One’s absurd/
And bigamy, sir, is a crime!" – Cosmo Monkhouse (19c.)
It seemed to me pretty plain, that they had more of love than matrimony in them – Oliver Goldsmith (18c.)
Every man needs a wife because things sometimes go wrong that you can’t blame on the government! -
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By okiedokiesarah on Jun 1, 2010
look man i didnt know i was ur only black friend well it only works if your black and your the onlly black guy there but hey it worked at my step dads wedding who knows
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By lacey w on Jun 1, 2010
you get a mousetrap and say "here is a present to stop the patter of tiny feet"
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By dewg on Jun 1, 2010
This only works in he is moving out of his flat/house. Hand out a key to all the girls at the wedding and the during the speech say something like " Unfortunately John has given up his flat, would anyone still it possession of a key please return it now". That would prompt every girl in the place to stand up and dump a key into a bowl revealing his dubious past. Works better on the bride.
SORRY ITS ALL I HAVE.
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By BrovoWon on Jun 1, 2010
Tell the bride to put her hand flat on table.Now tell groom to place his hand on top of brides.Best man asks guests to look and note that this will be the last time the groom will have the upper hand in this marriage.
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By BRITT on Jun 1, 2010
sorry i don’t know any good jokes myself but when i got married i bought a book of speeches for each major role in the wedding and they contained some great stuff.
Try http://www.confetti.com they do books for best man speeches.
good luck,have fun and hope the weathers good for you!
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By VICTORIA J on Jun 1, 2010
when he is saying there names tell his name and his ex’s name not his new wifes, then carry one a bit then tell him to say well if youre going to drop a bollock it may as well be a big one.
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By candi k on Jun 1, 2010
To tell you the truth: this IS a worthy joke.
"I was so desperate to make you all laugh, I had my partner go on Yahoo Answers and enter a request…"
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By Jesi G on Jun 1, 2010
Yes don’t put too may jokes in a best mans speech coz then people don’t laugh and get bored.
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By megajen2000 on Jun 1, 2010