Best Man Speeches

go in front of everyone and say " ur mom" and then sit down..
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By andralynn147 on Jul 8, 2010

http://www.ahajokes.com/
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By foureyesslim on Jul 8, 2010

steady on now
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By Pullay on Jul 8, 2010

Erm… you dont seriously think a good ol’ knock, knock joke is going to go down well at a wedding do you???

Jesus christ. How about just be sarcastic about your son’s upbringing and take the piss a bit but obviously in a friendly manner.

That’s usually a guaranteed gafor, assuming the language and timing is right…

And unfortunately, i dont know enough about you or your son’s history to help you out.
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By bobby t on Jul 8, 2010

Bob
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By chocolate_fairies on Jul 8, 2010

we are not family who the heck are you
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By Joshua F on Jul 8, 2010

How about opening with:

"Hello everybody, I am rubbish at speeches so I outsourced the problem to Yahoo Answers…"

…and take it from there.
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By Phil on Jul 8, 2010

You can get speeches on line, but you need to pay for them.
Use stuff like " not gaining a daughter, but losing a mobile trashcan and fridge emptier.
Keep it mildly insulting but not filthy.
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By NEIL C on Jul 8, 2010

Your his father and your the best man?

Gee, how retarded, you must be from England/America for someone to do something so gay.

Tell your son to get some friends.
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By Alex A on Jul 8, 2010

great to meet the new in~laws i didnt know they drank till i met them sober
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By lizzard on Jul 8, 2010

How about saying to your dqaughter in law… " marriage begins when you sink in his arms and ends with your arms in the sink!"
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By bets on Jul 8, 2010

Some tips for retirement planning from an expert in the industry:

If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock three years ago, it would now be worth $49.00.

With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1000.00.

With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left.

With Global Crossing, you would have $0.00 left.

But if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer three years ago,
drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum
recycling REFUND, you would have $614.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

It’s called the 401-Keg Plan.
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sorry but i pinched this of another question off this site

By pwee on Jul 8, 2010

i would stand up and say what my dad said at mine, HE said sorry folks i wrote my speech out on a piece of toilet roll, and some one has used it, done the trick for him. Wishing your family and your son and his knew wife to be all the best off luck
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Hope ya all have a good day

By chass_lee on Jul 8, 2010

thank him for picking you to be best man out of the two friends he’s got.
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By stormyweather on Jul 8, 2010

This is the 2nd church event I have taken my small daughter too. The first was a christening. When she came to this wedding she asked "Where is the baby"
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By Joe King on Jul 8, 2010

well i cant think of any jokes but at my wedding my dad spoke of how wonderful it was that my hubby and i met at a convention and how everyone should go to them yo meet there love!!! i was so embarassed.
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By CAZZAK on Jul 8, 2010

well i know you said clean this is not a dirty one just funny but it could do with a wet wipe small kids in school doing business studdies, teacher asks, "who knows how to make money?" Timmy replies ,"me miss i would cover myself in gold scrape it of weigh it in bingo im rich johnny does the same but with platinum ERIC said i would cover myself in pubic hair why asked miss well my sister has a patch this big and you want to see the cars outside her house. you can add more to it giving the kids characters eg when you speak and a funny voice for teacher well good luck and when you are drunk if you do not use it on the day i am sure it will come out at s ome point
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By D T on Jul 8, 2010

D T, there might be a joke in there somewhere but your lack of punctuation completely obscured it for me – why don’t you go back to school?
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By Gobbledygook on Jul 8, 2010

get the bride to put her hand on the table, and then ask your son to put his hand on hers. Say: that is the last time you will have the upper hand.
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By oliver f on Jul 8, 2010

I once came across a joke book for public speakers in our local library in the humour section. I would suggest you try your own library – the librarian’s can probably point you in the right direction or order one for you from the inter-library service if they don’t have it.
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By felineroche on Jul 8, 2010